LOVE YOUR LIFE TO DEATH
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Who's Happy if I am Sad, by guest blogger Deb K.

7/19/2016

15 Comments

 



I lost someone, my son Kyle.  He was the first.  The first child, the first grandchild, the first nephew, he was special.  He was loved by far more people than I ever realized and in his death I held a bigger appreciation for who he was as a person and he most certainly made me proud.

People from far and wide wrote stories on his Facebook Memorial page. Over nine years later, there is still close to 1,000 people on that page.  Teachers told stories of how he influenced them as a teacher, friends wrote how he influenced their decisions in life...how could you not be proud.

I was sad, very sad.  Your children aren't supposed to die before you.  Our whole family’s hearts were torn to pieces, but we picked those pieces up.  We don't dwell on death, we celebrate his life with much joy.  Every year on the anniversary of his death, we celebrate together.  Even if it was only for 23 years.  He lived.

Should I stay sad?  What good would that do?  Would that be what my son would want?  Of course not. I had a business to run, a family to be strong for and a multitude of his friends who were looking to me for guidance.  They'd never lost someone so close to them, a friend.

Who's happy if I'm sad?  Would it make my family happy to see me wallowing in my loss?  People die.  
Just read the tragic stories of other peoples losses. We're not special. 
Our loss is no easier or harder than their loss. 
​
You can't change what happened and I'll guarantee you that your loss will change you.  But you have a choice on where that loss takes you, how it changes you.  You have a choice to be happy, to see the joy in the life that was, not the sorrow in the life that isn't.  

We have a song in his memory, Life is a Highway by Tom Cochrane.  When that song comes on, sometimes at the most poignant times, we celebrate.  We smile, we turn it up and we sing along.  We feel the joy of the opportunity to think of my son, smile and be happy. 
​
Who's happy if you're sad?
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15 Comments
Michelle
7/20/2016 03:30:05 pm

Deb you're such an inspiration I am so proud of you and I love you ❤️

Reply
Yvonne Heath
7/21/2016 10:43:51 am

She is more inspirational than she will ever know, isn't she?! She has certainly inspired me!

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Christine G Tanner
7/20/2016 04:35:03 pm

Thank you for sharing the beautiful tribute to your son. You are an inspiration to us all. I lost my father three years ago on my birthday, July 18. You have given me hope that next year's birthday and anniversary of dad's passing will enable me to remember the special moments we shared with not as much sadness.

Reply
Yvpnne Heath
7/21/2016 10:47:11 am

She has helped me change my perspective with her mantras:
"We feel what we think,who's happy if I'm sad, I celebrate life,
I don't dwell on death." I am honoured to share Deb and Kyle here and in my book!

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Kailey Adams
7/21/2016 05:46:00 pm

I grew up with Kyle.......from public school through high school...............and Deb? You said it all. You were a constant rock when his plane went down...(on the outside anyway!*)....and blew us all away by your strength. Now you continue to shine your light and help to ease the pain of others.......you're a non-stop inspiration.....and of course I include Chris and Amy in this as well ♡
I see Kyle every time i look into your Knobie eyes......I hear him in your laughs and feel him in your hugs.......

Love to you all* xox

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Yvonne Heath
7/23/2016 01:15:05 pm

Kailey, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I have no doubt this will mean a lot to Deb and family. Their legacy of love for Kyle continues to help others. How wonderful is that!

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Claudette
7/25/2016 08:14:58 pm

Wonderful legacy....You can't change what has happened but your loss will change you. Where do you want this to lead you in life??

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Yvonne Heath
7/26/2016 11:16:07 am

Yes indeed. You always have a choice; not always the choice you wish you had, but you have a choice about where you go from there. And if you let your grief consume you forever, then that is another loss!

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Jane Lipsett
7/27/2016 08:17:36 am

I believe this blog was written for me. I try and I will learn from ithis remarkable mother. Thank you for sharing this story

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Yvonne Heath
7/27/2016 02:22:05 pm

xxxxoooo

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Debbie Knobelsdorf
8/3/2016 07:27:26 am

Jane...I wouldn't be where I am, helping the people that I help, had my son not died. If I can help anyone through their loss by reflecting on my own, I am grateful for the opportunity. I have no idea of who you lost but I would be happy to meet with you to talk if you ever want to.

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Julie Veitch link
7/27/2016 09:17:39 am

Thank you for sharing this really inspiring message about your loss and your life Debbie. Your stand for living life to its fullest the way only you know how takes courage, and your attention to honoring Kyle makes my heart even bigger. I've not met neither of you but feel like I have.....and know that he is so proud of you!

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Yvonne Heath
7/27/2016 02:23:03 pm

Isn't amazing how Deb and Kyle can touch your heart?? :)

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ROSE BLANCHETTE
12/6/2016 08:32:20 pm

Hi my name is Rose, But to Debbie it is Mom. I am so proud of my daughter there are not enough word to describe how strong she is or how hard she works. When we lost Kyle it was hard on all of us the whole family was in shock. Kyle was our first grandson and he was amazing, Heaven has one of the best and I am sure they know it. Speaking of our song Life is a highway when our youngest daughter Judith will start to cry with a smile on her face because she know that is a message from her Nephew. We also find a lot of dimes and see a lot of butterflies, I could go on and on telling just what Kyle means to the family but I am sure that you can understand with a leader like Deb. she makes all things possible.

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Yvonne
12/7/2016 02:54:09 pm

Rose/Debbie's Mom...you have just made me smile with tears in my eyes! You obviously have so much love for your family it warms my heart. I choose to believe that we stay connected and have no doubt that Kyle sends these messages to those who loved him. They are messages of love and to let you know he is ok! Thank you so much for sharing. xxoo

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    Yvonne Heath is Canada's Proactive Living Consultant. She is a Speaker, Television Host, Award Winning Author
    ​and creator of the #IJustShowedUp movement. 

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