Hi everybody, Yvonne Heath here with Love Your Life to Death.
I've been so excited to share the life lessons I've learned along the way
on a regular basis because I have just had the privilege of hearing so many wonderful stories along this new journey and in my nursing career, and I just wanted to share them with you.
Last month, they talked about how we need to unapologetically
share our stories because we all have a story, we all have value and
we matter and whatever we've been through. Forget the shame,
forget feeling embarrassed about your story. We've all been
through things. Now, here's the other side, when someone tells you
your story, I don't know why we are so compelled or we feel like
answering their story with our story.
So when somebody tells you their story, they just need and want
you to listen to validate it. Do some head nodding, okay, Wow, that
sounds difficult. Please stop answering their story with your story.
If you hear that someone has cancer, or they've gone through
addictions perhaps you can share your story at another time.
Not right then and there. I remember when I worked in the
chemotherapy clinic, I would tell patients, please tell people
not to share their story. Unless it's a positive one. Someone would
say, you have bladder cancer... my dad did too.... And it was awful and
all these terrible things happened.
This is something we need to change in our society, answering
someone's story with your story, and telling our terrible stories.
Let's please stop sharing other people's terrible stories when someone
is sharing theirs. Let us just validate it, acknowledge, allow, and if
we need if we have a story to tell, we can tell it at another time.
Of course, we should all listen to each other. But let's not share awful stories when someone is trying to be a bear what needs to be supported? Something to think about.
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5/28/2020 09:45:37 am
My first time on this site! How right you are. Many years ago, I learned this lesson when i was pregnant with our first child. The horror stories people shared taught me a valuable lesson about what people do NOT need to hear at certain times!
5/28/2020 12:17:09 pm
Hello Barbara and welcome! I'm glad you learned that valuable lesson... what NOT to say. It's an odd thing, sharing these horror stories. And we can create change by letting people know and by being a great example!! :)
5/28/2020 10:14:01 am
I work for Victim services and it's easy to keep quiet there but I am also that learning this applies not just in response to others. This pandemic has been hard on everyone and my husband and I had our first blow out. I tried to validate myself through messaging my sisters. NOT a good idea.
5/28/2020 12:20:29 pm
Sorry to hear that, Debbi. This is indeed a time where responses can be quick or unkind when people are anxious and don't have the coping skills they need. The sad thing is that when we say things that are hurtful, we are not only hurting the person but ourselves as well. We can never feel great when we are unkind. That's why acts of kindness is the best medicine for your own grief. And we can free ourselves by forgiving others for not knowing how to Just Show Up for us. They don't know how! xo
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Yvonne Heath is Canada's Proactive Living Consultant. She is a Speaker, Television Host, Award Winning Author
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